Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
