we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
