I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
