Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
