So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
