Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
