i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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