there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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