It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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