It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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