If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
