3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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