Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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