So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
