A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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