I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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