in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
