And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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