Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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