Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
