If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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