i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
