So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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