does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
