Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
