I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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