Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize