Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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