I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
