There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
