Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
