Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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