I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
