oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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