He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
