That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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