The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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