you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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