I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
