I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
