yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So vagazzling was a success
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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