yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hippo gnu deer
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
