Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's get the cat blown out
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
