We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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