I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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