He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Of course I have a pirate flag
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
