Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize