I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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