Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
