Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
