Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
