is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had to cum in my sink.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
