so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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