So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
