I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
