What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
