Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
