like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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