At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
