Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
