Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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