It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
my poor anus
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
