Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
