I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
