great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize