ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
