Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
