The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
