I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
