Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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